Medetations on tumblr purity wank
Feb. 5th, 2019 03:52 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
anarfeaI’ve never understood this anti argument of, “try going outside and telling random strangers what you defend online and see what happens.”
They think it’s some sort of trump card, like, if your average rando would be uncomfortable with this it must be wrong!
First, your average rando is grossed out by same-sex relationships and the existence of trans people. Surprise surprise, antis, if you told them what you ship (totally wholesome, unproblematic smoll gay beans loving and supporting each other) they’d be grossed out by you, too. This is why you don’t let the opinions of your average sex-negative, homophobic puritan determine whether or not you should be ashamed of your sexuality.
Second, discussing your kinks with random people is not fucking appropriate. There is a time and place to discuss your sexual interests and with random strangers that didn’t ask about your sexual interests ain’t it. But, antis generally don’t understand boundaries, so it doesn’t surprise me that they suggest people do this.
So no, I’m not going to go up to random people and tell them that I read and write “problematic” fic.
However, the people in my life whose opinions matter, like my spouse, my close friends, my therapists…. All these people know my abuse history, and that I write this stuff to process trauma and connect with other survivors, and all of them think that is healthy and okay. That’s all the reassurance and validation that I need.
You can’t frighten me into shame and silence by telling me that your average rando thinks I’m a pervert. Your average rando is wrong about a great many things. This is one of them.
They think it’s some sort of trump card, like, if your average rando would be uncomfortable with this it must be wrong!
First, your average rando is grossed out by same-sex relationships and the existence of trans people. Surprise surprise, antis, if you told them what you ship (totally wholesome, unproblematic smoll gay beans loving and supporting each other) they’d be grossed out by you, too. This is why you don’t let the opinions of your average sex-negative, homophobic puritan determine whether or not you should be ashamed of your sexuality.
Second, discussing your kinks with random people is not fucking appropriate. There is a time and place to discuss your sexual interests and with random strangers that didn’t ask about your sexual interests ain’t it. But, antis generally don’t understand boundaries, so it doesn’t surprise me that they suggest people do this.
So no, I’m not going to go up to random people and tell them that I read and write “problematic” fic.
However, the people in my life whose opinions matter, like my spouse, my close friends, my therapists…. All these people know my abuse history, and that I write this stuff to process trauma and connect with other survivors, and all of them think that is healthy and okay. That’s all the reassurance and validation that I need.
You can’t frighten me into shame and silence by telling me that your average rando thinks I’m a pervert. Your average rando is wrong about a great many things. This is one of them.
no subject
Date: 2019-02-07 03:11 pm (UTC)But I do see this argument used against antis a LOT ("darkfic is okay because it's a coping mechanism for survivors" which implies it's not okay for anyone else), and also the related argument that you shouldn't force survivors to out themselves.
Both are totally true, but when they become the *only* arguments that get passed around, I think it may have the unintended effect of making people feel guilty for enjoying darkfic if they are NOT survivors in the traditional sense. They may wonder if there's something really wrong with them, when really, using art to examine dark topics is a perfectly normal part of human experience.