Medetations on tumblr purity wank

[anarfea]

I’ve never understood this anti argument of, “try going outside and telling random strangers what you defend online and see what happens.”

They think it’s some sort of trump card, like, if your average rando would be uncomfortable with this it must be wrong!

First, your average rando is grossed out by same-sex relationships and the existence of trans people. Surprise surprise, antis, if you told them what you ship (totally wholesome, unproblematic smoll gay beans loving and supporting each other) they’d be grossed out by you, too. This is why you don’t let the opinions of your average sex-negative, homophobic puritan determine whether or not you should be ashamed of your sexuality.

Second, discussing your kinks with random people is not fucking appropriate. There is a time and place to discuss your sexual interests and with random strangers that didn’t ask about your sexual interests ain’t it. But, antis generally don’t understand boundaries, so it doesn’t surprise me that they suggest people do this.

So no, I’m not going to go up to random people and tell them that I read and write “problematic” fic.

However, the people in my life whose opinions matter, like my spouse, my close friends, my therapists…. All these people know my abuse history, and that I write this stuff to process trauma and connect with other survivors, and all of them think that is healthy and okay. That’s all the reassurance and validation that I need.

You can’t frighten me into shame and silence by telling me that your average rando thinks I’m a pervert. Your average rando is wrong about a great many things. This is one of them.

Comments

[lovetincture]

I’ve never understood this anti argument of, “try going outside and telling random strangers what you defend online and see what happens.”

Ironically, I think most people give far fewer shits than antis think they would. I don't go up in people's faces talking about my kinkfic, but I am absolutely not trying to hide it. If people ask me what I write, I point them in the direction of my original fic and AO3. My real name is attached to every single thing I write or do online.

You know who's come up to me mad about any of it? Absolutely no one. Because for the most part, people have better things to worry about than what kind of kinks I read and write. 🤷‍♀️

So really, the antis are going to need to get a better argument. Or preferably, y'know, just chill out and stop policing what everyone else is writing.

[anarfea]

I suppose. I'm not nearly as brave as you. I write underage and noncon, and I certainly wouldn't want say, my employer knowing that. I don't attach my real name to my fanworks. You never know when someone with bad intent could try to doxx you.

[lovetincture]

Ehh, I never really like framing it in terms of bravery or lack of bravery. I think it's just the product of fortuitous circumstances (being self-employed and having a little more leeway in that arena) and certain values. Like, I value openness and transparency, even at the expense of privacy. And I don't think that's any more right or justified than someone who prefers to preserve their privacy and anonymity. I think it's all just different, valid choices that people make depending on their lives and personalities.

I just like to contribute my opinion as like, "the view from where I'm sitting," since I think it can be an interesting addition to these discussions sometimes.