So the last couple days have been rough. I'm still really fatigued. Actually went home and took a nap on my lunch break today. But the main problem has been that my co-irker, who is obnoxious and acts like my boss even though she isn't, really drug me for a relatively minor mistake that caused no actual harm. This is pretty much the culmination of her making constant snide remarks implying that I'm either lazy or not doing a good job or both over the past month or so. And I started crying, because I'm in the middle of switching meds and I'm on my period and I don't respond very well to being bitched at. So, that was pretty awful. I don't like to be that unprofessional.
I talked to my boss about the co-workers behavior and he was not exactly helpful, which I expected. Basically he said we're all very stressed right now and not to take anything my coworker says personally, grow a thick skin, and also that he thinks I'm doing a great job and that I shouldn't take what she says to heart.
My only consolation is that I don't have to do this job for terribly much longer. I'm basically filling in as Accounts Payable temporarily because our last AP person got fired for embezzlement and we're on a hiring freeze while we're waiting for the company to sell. Once the sale goes through and we merge with our new parent company, we can hire some actual accountants to do this job who will probably make fewer mistakes than me, and I can go back to being a project manager, which is what I actually like to do. My project will be to get the parent company on to our system, import all their data, etc. This is something I'm actually looking forward to, and it's why I haven't quit my job. But I really hate what I'm doing right now. Accounts payable is mostly data entry, and that's a really bad combination with my medication fog. I basically end up staring at my computer screen and zoning out and forgetting what I was doing a lot. It's not pretty. And it's why my coworker's comments about me being lazy are really hitting home. Because I feel like I'm not being productive enough.
I know I'm not lazy. My brain is failing me right now. I remember reading something (I think by![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
pangodillo?) about how having Executive Dysfunction is like playing a game of D&D where the DM makes you roll for every action. So instead of having one roll for "I get to work on time," you have to roll for "I wake up when the alarm goes off," "I don't hit snooze," roll failed so you have to roll the snooze again, "I get out of bed," roll failed so you get back in bed, "I get out of bed again," "I find an outfit to wear," which is of course dependent on having clean clothes, etc. etc. That's basically how my mornings go, and then I get to work and it's constant rolls for everything. I feel like I'm swimming through molasses.
On the plus side, the constant suicidal ideations have stopped. Which is good, because that fucking sucked. So, small mercies.
Redscuddery beta'd chapter two of Guardian Current, so I went through and accepted most of her suggestions. There are a couple which will require some slight re-writes, but mostly she was pretty satisfied. And Jinglebell commented! I was so excited. I gave them access to the doc mostly so they could get a sneak peak, but they made a bunch of comments on different things, which were mostly squeeful, and I'm very excited about that.
So my life is not all bad. Just, my job situation sucks. But I'm hoping it will get better. And I'm going on week 2 of the Vryalar, which means I'm finally at full dose, so I'm hoping that will make a difference too. Basically I just wish that I'd stop feeling like I have scrambled eggs for brains.
I talked to my boss about the co-workers behavior and he was not exactly helpful, which I expected. Basically he said we're all very stressed right now and not to take anything my coworker says personally, grow a thick skin, and also that he thinks I'm doing a great job and that I shouldn't take what she says to heart.
My only consolation is that I don't have to do this job for terribly much longer. I'm basically filling in as Accounts Payable temporarily because our last AP person got fired for embezzlement and we're on a hiring freeze while we're waiting for the company to sell. Once the sale goes through and we merge with our new parent company, we can hire some actual accountants to do this job who will probably make fewer mistakes than me, and I can go back to being a project manager, which is what I actually like to do. My project will be to get the parent company on to our system, import all their data, etc. This is something I'm actually looking forward to, and it's why I haven't quit my job. But I really hate what I'm doing right now. Accounts payable is mostly data entry, and that's a really bad combination with my medication fog. I basically end up staring at my computer screen and zoning out and forgetting what I was doing a lot. It's not pretty. And it's why my coworker's comments about me being lazy are really hitting home. Because I feel like I'm not being productive enough.
I know I'm not lazy. My brain is failing me right now. I remember reading something (I think by
pangodillo?) about how having Executive Dysfunction is like playing a game of D&D where the DM makes you roll for every action. So instead of having one roll for "I get to work on time," you have to roll for "I wake up when the alarm goes off," "I don't hit snooze," roll failed so you have to roll the snooze again, "I get out of bed," roll failed so you get back in bed, "I get out of bed again," "I find an outfit to wear," which is of course dependent on having clean clothes, etc. etc. That's basically how my mornings go, and then I get to work and it's constant rolls for everything. I feel like I'm swimming through molasses.On the plus side, the constant suicidal ideations have stopped. Which is good, because that fucking sucked. So, small mercies.
Redscuddery beta'd chapter two of Guardian Current, so I went through and accepted most of her suggestions. There are a couple which will require some slight re-writes, but mostly she was pretty satisfied. And Jinglebell commented! I was so excited. I gave them access to the doc mostly so they could get a sneak peak, but they made a bunch of comments on different things, which were mostly squeeful, and I'm very excited about that.
So my life is not all bad. Just, my job situation sucks. But I'm hoping it will get better. And I'm going on week 2 of the Vryalar, which means I'm finally at full dose, so I'm hoping that will make a difference too. Basically I just wish that I'd stop feeling like I have scrambled eggs for brains.
