Medetations on tumblr purity wank
Feb. 5th, 2019 03:52 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
anarfeaI’ve never understood this anti argument of, “try going outside and telling random strangers what you defend online and see what happens.”
They think it’s some sort of trump card, like, if your average rando would be uncomfortable with this it must be wrong!
First, your average rando is grossed out by same-sex relationships and the existence of trans people. Surprise surprise, antis, if you told them what you ship (totally wholesome, unproblematic smoll gay beans loving and supporting each other) they’d be grossed out by you, too. This is why you don’t let the opinions of your average sex-negative, homophobic puritan determine whether or not you should be ashamed of your sexuality.
Second, discussing your kinks with random people is not fucking appropriate. There is a time and place to discuss your sexual interests and with random strangers that didn’t ask about your sexual interests ain’t it. But, antis generally don’t understand boundaries, so it doesn’t surprise me that they suggest people do this.
So no, I’m not going to go up to random people and tell them that I read and write “problematic” fic.
However, the people in my life whose opinions matter, like my spouse, my close friends, my therapists…. All these people know my abuse history, and that I write this stuff to process trauma and connect with other survivors, and all of them think that is healthy and okay. That’s all the reassurance and validation that I need.
You can’t frighten me into shame and silence by telling me that your average rando thinks I’m a pervert. Your average rando is wrong about a great many things. This is one of them.
They think it’s some sort of trump card, like, if your average rando would be uncomfortable with this it must be wrong!
First, your average rando is grossed out by same-sex relationships and the existence of trans people. Surprise surprise, antis, if you told them what you ship (totally wholesome, unproblematic smoll gay beans loving and supporting each other) they’d be grossed out by you, too. This is why you don’t let the opinions of your average sex-negative, homophobic puritan determine whether or not you should be ashamed of your sexuality.
Second, discussing your kinks with random people is not fucking appropriate. There is a time and place to discuss your sexual interests and with random strangers that didn’t ask about your sexual interests ain’t it. But, antis generally don’t understand boundaries, so it doesn’t surprise me that they suggest people do this.
So no, I’m not going to go up to random people and tell them that I read and write “problematic” fic.
However, the people in my life whose opinions matter, like my spouse, my close friends, my therapists…. All these people know my abuse history, and that I write this stuff to process trauma and connect with other survivors, and all of them think that is healthy and okay. That’s all the reassurance and validation that I need.
You can’t frighten me into shame and silence by telling me that your average rando thinks I’m a pervert. Your average rando is wrong about a great many things. This is one of them.
no subject
Date: 2019-02-06 05:22 am (UTC)Edit: also, I think this goes for a lot of hobbies, not just fanfiction. If someone really into a particular sport or type of music or whatever that I wasn't familiar with tried to explain to me the details of infighting among that particular hobby's adherents and get me to take a side, I'd also be lost long before the point where we get to the actual topic of the wank.
no subject
Date: 2019-02-06 06:36 am (UTC)That and most people are just not that interested in the lives of strangers.
Anyway, the argument is dumb.