Medetations on tumblr purity wank

[anarfea]

I’ve never understood this anti argument of, “try going outside and telling random strangers what you defend online and see what happens.”

They think it’s some sort of trump card, like, if your average rando would be uncomfortable with this it must be wrong!

First, your average rando is grossed out by same-sex relationships and the existence of trans people. Surprise surprise, antis, if you told them what you ship (totally wholesome, unproblematic smoll gay beans loving and supporting each other) they’d be grossed out by you, too. This is why you don’t let the opinions of your average sex-negative, homophobic puritan determine whether or not you should be ashamed of your sexuality.

Second, discussing your kinks with random people is not fucking appropriate. There is a time and place to discuss your sexual interests and with random strangers that didn’t ask about your sexual interests ain’t it. But, antis generally don’t understand boundaries, so it doesn’t surprise me that they suggest people do this.

So no, I’m not going to go up to random people and tell them that I read and write “problematic” fic.

However, the people in my life whose opinions matter, like my spouse, my close friends, my therapists…. All these people know my abuse history, and that I write this stuff to process trauma and connect with other survivors, and all of them think that is healthy and okay. That’s all the reassurance and validation that I need.

You can’t frighten me into shame and silence by telling me that your average rando thinks I’m a pervert. Your average rando is wrong about a great many things. This is one of them.

Comments

[recently_folded]

You don't have to have been *personally* victimized to be anxious about these topics.

Precisely. The end result of so many of these tumblr absolutes is total walled tribalism, where only the people who are [something] can talk/do/practice/art/whatever about it. I see this in arguments about representation in fic; I see this about art/cultural appropriation—at its reductionist foundation, these are all concepts saying that you can only exist within the limits of what you were born into. Now clearly there are limits to all of these—I'd never be so absolutist as to say that there are not horrible, gratuitous extremes in any realm—but it we cannot learn, if we cannot be inspired by, if we cannot try to put our mind into the culture of another, if we can never see the other, we can never find any common ground with them and they can only remain alien to us. Which, fuck everyone who rode in on that particular horse, is only a recipe for war and never one for peace.

[anarfea]

I agree, there's this idea that people shouldn't write outside their experience, which I generally disagree with. I mean, it is absolutely important to do your research and to be respectful, and to not exploit the narratives of those who are more marginalized than you. But I think people absolutely should be encouraged to write outside their own experience. Otherwise writing is boring.