I first connected with Splix through her fics. Holmescet shippers are rare, so I read her fics with relish. Wrong With Us was a favorite. Then I read her other Sherlock fics. The Case of the Green Gown I'm convinced is her best. I listened to her holmescest roundtable on Three Patch Podcast, which is a great discussion and I highly recommend for anyone who wants to hear Alex's voice. I don't think I'm up to it yet but I plan on listening again at some point.

I followed Splix on tumblr and she mentioned who her congressperson was and I was like, "that's my congressman! I bet you live near me!" I had just moved to Albuquerque, my husband and I were separated, I didn't have many friends, and I was overwhelmed with excitement by the idea that there was a fandom person in my town. We watched Season 4 of Sherlock messaging each other. We went to see TFP in the theaters together. We hung out on a handful of other occasions, and it meant so much to me, because I was at a time of big transition in my life and I was really lonely.

Alex was already sick when I met her. But she still made an effort to get out and do things, like come to 221b Con in 2018. We were in a fiction workshop together and got to hang out during the con, and these are some of my favorite memories of her. I'm sorry I didn't make it out to Con*strict. It sounds like those who went had a good time.

Alex won me for Fandom Trumps Hate 2017. She wanted a Euriarty fic. My other winner wanted a Jimcroft fic. And I owed a Sheriarty fic to a friend from another auction. I decided to combine the three into a single story, The Three Little Pigs. It remains one of the stories I'm the most proud of.

Alex gave me her copies of Bridget Jones's diary and Pride and Prejudice. She said she was Konmariing, but I had a feeling that she was getting rid of things because she was preparing for death, even though at the time she was still pursuing treatment options. I knew the time we had together was precious.

I last saw Alex in July. She had a few days of work left before she was starting Hospice. It was clear she was exhausted and she was having trouble walking, but she made an effort to meet me for lunch. She talked frankly about her impending death and I was impressed with the grace and dignity with which she was handling the situation. Her attitude was a great comfort to me. I suspected it might be the last time I saw her, but I was really hoping we'd be able to meet at least one more time. I texted Alex last week to ask if I could see her, but I'm guessing she was too sick or too tired to respond. Write_out posted the news that she was gone on Tuesday.

I didn't know Alex as well as I would have liked, but the times we had together were wonderful. It was clear that she was a great person, as well as a great writer. I am glad that I got to spend the time with her that we did, as she came into my life at a time when I really needed a friend. I didn't say goodbye the last time I saw her because I was hoping I'd see her again. So, I'll say it now:

Goodbye, Alex. I'll miss you. I'm sorry I didn't get to know you better.

I started reading A Land So Wild by Elyssa Warkentin. So far I'm very impressed with it. I like the epistolary structure. I'm on chapter three.

My depression has been very bad. I've been really fatigued and struggling to get up and to get work done, especially in the mornings. This is not helped by the fact that I hate my current job. I'm doing accounts payable, which consists mostly of data entry and other tedious things like stuffing checks in envelopes.

I hope that this will get better in a few weeks. We know which company will be buying ours, and our CEO will stay on as President of the new entity. He has told me that he wants me to work on the team which will be in charge of integrating the two companies on to a single system. So, this is job security and also sounds much ore interesting than my current occupation. I just have to hang in here a few more weeks. But it's hard.

Hope to go camping tonight. Will go to my parents' tomorrow for fathers day. 

So, I had my first lessons today where I was an instructor instead of a student. The morning lesson was with a young (maybe 4-5?) girl with Down Syndrome. This required very little of me, as we actually didn't get her on skis, lol. This was her first time ever skiing, and she refused to put on her ski boots (I don't blame her, ski boots are at best hella awkward and at worst torture devices). So we did a lot of playing in the snow. We did convince her to ride the Magic Carpet (something like those moving walkways they have at airports but on snow), she liked to roll down the hill after (we kept her to the side and out of the way of the skiers. So anyway I had fun playing in the snow for a couple of hours (though I would have preferred not to do it in ski boots. As I said before, ski boots suck).

Afternoon lesson was with an 8 year old boy with autism. This kiddo was a handful! He has been in the program for a few years and knows how to ski, so we were skiing with him on the easiest lift. He skis holding on to a bamboo pole with an instructor on either side. So mostly he just holds on and we guide him down. But he kept trying to swing on the pole and hang under it and eventually he did manage to break it (fortunately not until near the end of the lesson). It is surprisingly difficult to ski while there is a kid pulling and pushing you and skiing on top of your skis, but fortunately he was not heavy enough to unbalance me. However, at the end of the lesson, when he took his skis off, I was bending down to pick them up and fell over and then couldn't get up because I was skiing without poles so as to hold on to the bamboo pole. That was kind of embarrassing. Another instructor gave me a hand up.

Anyway, I guess overall it was a good first day and I think I did alright. In both cases I was paired with a more experienced instructor so I mostly just did what I was told. Carry the gear, follow the leader, etc. Since due to a scheduling mix-up I was put on the Sunday list instead of the Saturday list, an error which they are correcting next week, I probably won't see either of these kids again since I will be working Saturdays and their lessons are on Sundays. That's kind of sad, as I'd like to see them progress, especially the little one because I suspect she's going to be an absolute speed demon once they actually get her on skis. She kept wanting the Magic Carpet to go faster, and when she was rolling down the hill she'd want us to push her so she'd go faster. I think she will probably need to be put on tethers, lol.

 Well, I'm getting started on this late because I just decided to do it since a number of people in my circle are doing it. So, here I am with day 1.

What's my happy place? Right now, it's my living room. I have a beautiful Christmas tree with all the trimmings that I really have been fighting with my husband to let me keep up. And we have icicle lights in the dining room and regular lights framing our doors, and it's just very peaceful and beautiful and makes me feel at home. I'm all cozy up under a blanket and it's nice to read or write in here. I will miss it when the decorations come down.

So, I've been skiing for a number of years, a few as a child, more as an adult, and for a while a number of people have been asking me to participate in something called the Adaptive Ski program, which is basically a program that teaches people with various cognitive and physical disabilities to ski. I reported to my first day of training today. I have to complete a total of six hours before they put me on the snow with somebody, and I'll be paired with someone more senior (so there are always two instructors per student). 

I found the first day of training really intimidating. We went over the program's procedures and there are all sorts of things I didn't think about, like you have to harness people who have a seizure disorder to the lift in case they might have a seizure and fall off, and you have to escort students to the bathroom and what not, and it just reminds me that some of the students are very disabled. Of course, I will probably not be paired with someone who has severe disabilities my first year as a volunteer. But it's very sobering. It's a lot of responsibility.

Also my legs really hurt. I hardly skied at all last year, and I've only been up twice before today this year. I really need to build my own stamina. Granted, I will likely be sticking to the bunny slope. But still. Just hauling around my ski gear takes work, and I am out of shape. There may be some opportunity to do early morning clinics with ski instructors before we start our own lessons, and I am super excited about that possibility, because I've never taught skiing before and I feel a little out of my depth.

I also need to think about what kind of disability I want to specialize in. The first 2 days of training are pretty general. But after that, I have to pick 4 clinics that focus on either dealing with specific kinds of disabilities (like autism or visual impairment) or specific kinds of equipment (like the ski bike or mono-ski). I'm probably not physically strong enough to control a bi-ski or mono-ski. Those are basically sleds that the student rides in while using outriggers on the hands to steer. Like this. When teaching a student to use a bi-ski or mono-ski, the instructor skis behind holding onto the device with tethers. So you have to be a strong enough skier to control the sled, and also be strong enough physically to load the sled onto the chairlift. Anyway, I don't think that's me. I'll probably focus on dealing with blind or autistic skiers, I think. Those you usually just tether yourself to so you can help them steer, or they ski beside you holding onto a pole. All this is still super intimidating to me. But I guess I will sign up for classes and learn.

Anyway, I'll keep you all updated if you're interested.