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More Body Image Blues
So today was really hard. I went to my shrink today because I had to or he won't prescribe me more meds. I mentioned that I am still struggling with my weight and haven't lost any since I stopped taking Abilify. He suggested I try Metformin, which is actually a type 2 diabetes drug, but it's used off label for weight loss. It works by increasing insulin sensitivity and reducing the amount of sugar released by the liver. Also it is an appetite suppressant. And I told my husband about this conversation which triggered a big fight, because he's really anti med in general (he's finally come around and admitted that I'm better on brain meds than not), and he thinks I just need to work out harder and eat healthier and I....
I just feel so much despair. I'm afraid that my metabolism has basically re-calibrated and that I'm going to be this weight forever, or worse, that I'll get heavier. And I really really hate the way my body looks. Since I gained the weight so fast, I now have these awful stretch marks. I just feel like I don't recognize my body. Even my face is fuller.
Husband is... supportive, but only supportive of me trying to lose weight. So, we joined a gym together today, and he's promised to go with me and that we will work out together. He also has offered to help cook diet conscious recopies etc. But he's definitely pushing me to lose weight and is not telling me to accept my body at it's current size or anything like that. And he says he still finds me attractive but that he misses my old body. On the other hand, I don't want to accept my body at its current size. I want to change it. I have these really vivid fantasies about just getting a knife and slicing off fat. Ugh.
Anyway, I've just been crying off and on during the day about this. I want to lose 40-50 lbs. And that just seems like such an overwhelmingly huge number. And I don't understand how I let it get this bad.
I just feel so much despair. I'm afraid that my metabolism has basically re-calibrated and that I'm going to be this weight forever, or worse, that I'll get heavier. And I really really hate the way my body looks. Since I gained the weight so fast, I now have these awful stretch marks. I just feel like I don't recognize my body. Even my face is fuller.
Husband is... supportive, but only supportive of me trying to lose weight. So, we joined a gym together today, and he's promised to go with me and that we will work out together. He also has offered to help cook diet conscious recopies etc. But he's definitely pushing me to lose weight and is not telling me to accept my body at it's current size or anything like that. And he says he still finds me attractive but that he misses my old body. On the other hand, I don't want to accept my body at its current size. I want to change it. I have these really vivid fantasies about just getting a knife and slicing off fat. Ugh.
Anyway, I've just been crying off and on during the day about this. I want to lose 40-50 lbs. And that just seems like such an overwhelmingly huge number. And I don't understand how I let it get this bad.